Superstitions-Don't look at the Bride!!

[Krupinski Photography]

I've been shooting weddings for a little while now and there seem to be a few superstitions that a lot of couples hold to. I would say that over 90% of Brides and Grooms still hold to the addage that it's bad luck for the Groom to see the Bride, in her Dress, the day of the wedding UNTIL she is walking down the Isle. As a photographer, I often find myself running interference so that the Bride&Groom can get some pitures done before the ceremony withOUT seeing each other. I've found that if you are good at this, you can establish trust between yourself and a lot of the family members VERY quickly. Plus it can be fun.
Anybody got any good stories on the matter?

[Prevost]

I find that it is rarely superstition anymore that keeps brides and grooms apart prior to the ceremony. Rather, I think it is that there is a sense of tradition involved, and that some think it will spoil that "first moment."

Let me say at the outset that this is a personal decision by the bride and groom that most photographers will respect. I don't demand that my couples do it any particular way. But I do see it as part of my job to act as an advisor. There is no one with the couple on the wedding day longer than the photographer—as such, the photographer is in a much better position than anyone to see the day as a whole, and to have a good idea about what works and what doesn't.

Because of the limitation on time on the wedding day, any decision that affects the schedule will involve trade-offs. The biggest trade-off of all, in my opinion, is time spent together.

In a traditionally-scheduled wedding the couple has anywhere from zero to 15 minutes alone together. When I got married, it was zero. Most of my couples that opt for this schedule get about 15 minutes—usually after the ceremony, after the formals, prior to the reception. That's all, for the whole day.

Months and months of preparation and planning and anticipation, and the couple—the people who should be sharing time together—get zero to 15 minutes alone.

Not only that, but the formals take longer, as many groupings could not be done beforehand without both the bride and the groom in them. This leads to the most dreaded time of the wedding for the guests—waiting for photos to be done.

Many couples see value in having some alone time together that day, and their day is not only more efficient, but some say more memorable and fun. Efficient because most or all of the formals can be done prior to the ceremony. More memorable because the couple gets to have a private meeting to start the day, and get to spend 1-2 hours together. More fun because things are less rushed, the couple gets to spend more time with immediate family and wedding party, and because all the excitement from the ceremony carries over to the reception—there isn't that long delay between the two.

But I want to point out the really important part of what I just wrote—that the couple gets to have a private meeting to start the day. That anticipation of seeing each other for the first time that day, dressed in their wedding clothes, is something special. But instead of having that moment in front of a large crowd, where everything is scripted and the opportunity for spontaneous expression of real emotion is severely restricted—it is a much more relaxed and emotionally gratifying atmosphere.

The couple can express their joy, even shed tears, without fear of embarrassment. They can touch and talk to one another about what they are feeling—something I've never seen a couple do in front of all the guests.

That this is a great way to schedule a wedding was confirmed in a very personal way to me a few years ago when my own daughter got married. She had been my assistant at weddings for a few years, and so had ample exposure to all kinds of wedding situations. She chose to see her groom prior to the ceremony. She had to convince her skeptical groom, a very traditionally-oriented guy—he was in the Navy. It was gratifying to me when my son-in-law told me later that he was glad they did, because he didn't realize what a madhouse a wedding was and how little time he had to share that day. He thought he had spent his time wisely.

[Studio R]

I ALWAYS recommend a special meeting between the bride & groom before the ceremony. Of course, it is never pushed, just highly suggested and I usually explain:

First - you all are your freshest and most put together before hand because your make-up, hair and clothes have all just been done and put on.

Second - the groom is SOOO nervous, probably - oh - 8 out of 10 times more nervous than any one else. He is thinking about being married, you, what you will look like, how perfect the day is, how many people are going to be up there looking at you and whether he will sweat or not remember his lines or screw up what the minister or priest says, along with whatever else guys think about.

Third - you are going through a lot that day to, if you are the bride you are nervous because your want it to be perfect, you want to look and feel awesome, you want people to do what they are supposed to (vendors, etc...), and you have been only planning this since you were born like most females do, and if you haven't been planning, your mom, grandma and aunts were ; )

I have NEVER had a couple say after they have done the meet before - "That REALLY took away from our day."

It is actually the quite the opposite. Meeting before allows you to have a REAL moment together, a special experience AND it is captured forever through our images. Like his look when he is expecting you to walk up, or then when he sees you and your dress and hair and all the little details you put into your outfit and how he wants to touch your face and now he can and it is so awesome!

If you are only seen down the aisle for the first time and then handed off at the ceremony he won't even have time to look at all that you have done. It is a lot blurrier.

Most of the wedding day is for everyone else to celebrate - you get VERY little time to be alone together and take in the day or to look and see and hold each other with out a ton of people all around. Make the time to really create something special and allow you both to have time for yourselves on YOUR big day!

Just my thoughts and opinions and what I really wish I had done when I was married five years ago and now try to offer to my clients.

Thanks for reading and good luck!

My best,
Robyn

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Owner
Studio R
www.studiorobyn.com
r@studiorobyn.com